A supporting character throughout much of the spot, Mittens ultimately plays a pivotal role in his household’s TV tug-of-war when he must choose between snuggling in with Mom for a long viewing of a favorite show versus That Other Guy Who Feeds Me Sometimes But Is Not Here Right Now.
Mittens’ handling of this moral dilemma is as cold and calculated as his belly is soft and scratchable. We caught up with him to try to find out more about Mittens and what makes this cool cat tick.
BendBroadband: Can you tell me a little bit about yourself, where you’re from and so on?
Mittens: I grew up — survived, really — in the streets and alleys of Bend’s west side. I had a home early on, but my owners were always out living it up at the local festivals — beer festivals, music festivals, “hey, it’s the weekend, let’s have a festival” festivals … stuff like that. They were never around. So I struck out on my own.
BendBroadband: Wow. Sounds like a tough life. Where’d you sleep when you were on the streets?
Mittens: Most nights I’d tuck myself into the cushy seat of a kayak hanging on the side of a garage or whatever. If those were all taken, I’d try to find a spot under a warm Subaru Outback. One night I had to sleep behind the old Players Bar & Grill. *shudder*
BendBroadband: So how did you end up with the couple in the Alpha commercial? And how’s life with them?
Mittens: Well, one Fourth of July a couple years ago, I was kicking around downtown Bend (looking to lap up someone’s spilled latte, to be honest) when all of a sudden this whole herd of animals — no cats, but just about everything else — came walking down the street, along with a bunch of humans doting on them. (Editor’s note: Must’ve been this.) The animals were all dressed up and some were riding in, like, wagons and stuff. One dog was tied to a bunch of balloons! (He looked scared, but the humans seemed to love it.) Anyway, it looked like the life to me, hanging with all these happy pet owners. So, you know, I’m a resourceful kitty; I picked out a good-looking couple of humans and ran out there, cranked up the charm and started snuggling their legs. Eventually the female picked me up and zipped me into her hoodie. And now I’m here, chillin’ on the couch. That’s basically it. That’s what I do.
BendBroadband: How do you feel about your role in BendBroadband’s new commercial? You seem like you were destined for small-screen stardom.
Mittens: Yeah, I mean, it’s cool. They told me to act natural, so I did. I sat there like a cat. Next thing I know, Mom’s making me the bad guy in her little time-shifting TV tussle! Not cool! Although, I have to agree with her: If those games were so important, why was he out golfing? Anyway … I don’t really understand DVRs and Alpha and all that stuff. Because I’m a cat. But I do know that Mom and Dad are happier now that they have a way to record all their shows without conflict. And that means more treats and belly-rubs for me, so I’m in. As for stardom, I will say this: Ever since the commercial started airing, I can’t go anywhere in Bend without getting noticed by someone. Or at least that’s how I assume it would be if I ever left the house.
BendBroadband: OK, well, I think our time here is up. Anything else you want to say to your new fans?
Mittens: Yeah, I just want to say hi and I love you all! Shout out to #TeamMittens! I want everyone to know I’m not stopping with this commercial. I’ve got big things on the horizon, including but not limited to a fiendish feline plan to overthrow BendBroadband’s social media channels soon, so send me your favorite funny cat memes. Today, this blog. Tomorrow … Facebook and Twitter!